How To Save Your Marriage On Your Own?
One of the most common questions spouses ask when confronting a marriage crisis is this:
How can I save my marriage if my partner does not want to help find a solution?
How do I succeed I am trying to save my marriage on my own?
It is a typical enough story: one partner leaves, the other stays.
One remains in love while the other is uncertain.
Whatever it is that has caused a couple to be apart, the one person who remains bears the prospect, fear, doubt, desire, hope of saving his or her marriage alone.
Considering there are 2 people contributing to the overall health and wellbeing of a marriage, should not both of you be present to actually try and save it?
Or, worse, when it is his, her, their fault so should he, she, they not be the ones to make amends?
You are just the victim here after all!
The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end.
If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it’s going to fail.
The belief that the responsibility lies with the other person is a self-defeating attitude.
It propagates the belief that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to save your marriage and you should stand and watch what comes your way.
There is still something you CAN DO.
Even in your loneliness and solitude, you can save your marriage.
Let us begin first by examining what it means to be on your own.
As human beings, we hate being alone.
It is part of our genetic make up to be social creatures and develop connections with others, whether through friendships or romantic interest.
The way we connect with others and the nature of how we interact with people is a fundamental aspect of personal and emotional development.
The paradox is that as we grow older in the love, trust, companionship and support of our significant others, we develop an internal strength of self that makes us whole, happy human beings.
Ideally, the mature human person should have developed a strong sense of self-awareness, confidence and self-esteem as he or she reaches adulthood.
These become the windows with which we view the world, flaws and all.
These make up part of our personal shelter amidst challenges and difficulties.
This is called self-actualization.
However, many of us enter into adult life without even being aware of this beautiful, human truth.
We may have experienced abandonment in our childhood or been disappointed by our romantic relationships; whatever it is, it has caused to shift from proper mature development to fears of abandonment and the inability to see that we can stand on our own two feet.
Thus, many of us enter relationships and marriages with the hope, plan and dream that we would never be alone.
We invest so much in our partners and loved ones, focusing our entire beings on them and relying on them to make us happy and secure.
Unfortunately, this perspective carries with it its own poison.
Subconsciously, we project the responsibility of our life happiness on the other person, eloquently sidestepping taking responsibility for our own life happiness and destiny.
Problems develop when a partner indicates some form of dissatisfaction with the relationship or the expectations unwittingly placed upon them, and when they do so, we panic.
When our partner leaves, our fears kick in.
When something goes wrong with our marriages, it is very easy for us to place the blame of the other person for having made us unhappy.
In order to save your marriage when you are the only one doing it, the key then is a paradigm shift, meaning, the key is to change your attitude and focus.
Stop focusing on your partner – stop the blaming, stop the inaction.
Take a good look at yourself and what you can do in this moment.
You can definitely NOT control your partner’s feelings, attitude and reactions, but you can control your own.